THERE IS NO SENIOR DISCOUNT FOR READING THIS!!

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I've realized that at my age... I don't really give a rat's butt anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the mailman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, eats only fish and drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs, hops, and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run, does mostly nothing, yet lives for 150 years. And, they tell us to exercise? I don't think so.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 

5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it? 

6. It was a whole lot easier to get older than it was to get wiser. 

7. Some days you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant. 

8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them. 

9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 

10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids. 

11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

12. The world beats a path to your door only when you're in the bathroom.                                                                                     

13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

15. It is not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

17. These days I spend a lot of the time thinking about the hereafter; I go somewhere to get something and then wonder...what am I hereafter?

18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.            

19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

20. Have I sent this message to you before... or, did I get it from you?!